Whether he secretly liked the drama or was just that thoughtless or wanted a detached way to make me really slam the door forever, I don’t know – maybe I am assigning it all too much meaning anyway.) I did not want to start talking again, I did not want to resume a friendship that was clearly over. (He took the envelope home and started up all the trouble that could have been avoided and triggered the REAL end of the friendship.
I sent it to his work address just because I did not want to stir up trouble in his home life – at all. I then felt liberated not to resist the temptation to send him a gift. This mostly happened, but of course insanely cute baby animals or funny things that only we could appreciate would sometimes occur, and he did not resist the temptation to write a few times. I have written about this before, and after several eruptions, I told him that, despite how much it hurt to cut off the friendship, knowing that I was losing something, I felt we would all have a more harmonious life if we stopped talking. I also, without knowing the girlfriend, never imagined that someone who was undoubtedly a lovely person if he (whom I respected and believed would make good choices in this realm) decided to be with her, would be so irrationally jealous. Once the contact was so sporadic and topic-specific (almost always about a film, tv, an inside joke about something we both found funny or, usually, about baby animals – which we both found irresistibly cute), I did not imagine that he, once so stubborn and headstrong, would be with someone who was demanding enough to require him to stop talking to me. We live in different countries, and our communication was limited in any case both in frequency and in terms of topics. I did not think it necessarily meant our friendship was over.
When this friend got into a new relationship, I was happy for him. And having had a lot of friends come and go, it always bore tremendous weight when someone “got” me in the way that a true friend did. The guy in question was one of the best friends I ever had. The only time one was really difficult was when it was starkly clear that “romance” should never have been a part of it. Romantic relationships are more cut and dry somehow.
Friendship has always been a bigger struggle and a larger emotional stumbling block for me than, for example, romantic entanglements. Lately, the ache of losing friendship has come up again and again for me. This forum does not need to be something more – I write what I know.
My concerns are not monumental or particularly profound. I want to chronicle my thoughts, my life, my frustrations – I just happen to make it public. I am also keenly aware that a blog is a highly self-indulgent activity. The carpet eel-blenny occasionally makes its way into the marine aquarium trade, but it is predatory and will eat crustaceans and smaller fish.I am like most other people in that I can be petty. The colour is very variable (green, brown, black or bluish often with spots or blotches) and the carpet eel-blenny can change it to match the surroundings. It is the largest dottyback, reaching up to 45 cm (1 ft 6 in) in length. Despite the common names, it is unrelated to the true wolf eel of the North Pacific, the true eel of the order Anguilliformes and the true blennies of the suborder Blennioidei. The carpet eel-blenny ( Congrogadus subducens), also known as the green wolf eel or green wolf eel blenny, is a relatively large species of dottyback found in coastal parts of the Indo-West Pacific, including coral reefs, among rocks, seagrass beds, tidal flats and in brackish habitats. Congrogadus reticulatus (Bleeker, 1853).
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